Adventures of the Tacitus, part 1
Dramatis personae:
The Captain - the ship's leader, though in name only, as the Tacitus is more of a shaky democracy punctuated by bloody juntas. The Captain's main job is negotiating an uneasy alliance between the other two crew members, and trying to mitigate damage when Vincent takes over. The Captain has no identity to speak of, or so he likes to claim. He is merely the executor of the people's will. He just happens to like working with one of the people more, but this tacit understanding is the first thing out the window whenever the balance of power shifts. For the Captain, the ship is king. The ship, and the mission (though he leaves it up to the other two to figure out what it actually is). His special ability is invisibility.
Theodore - Theodore likes being in charge, and most of the time he is, acting in concert with the Captain for the greater good of everyone. He likes listening to the hum of the engines, as the ship smoothly glides through space. He also likes a good movie, a witty lyric, and funny people saying funny things. He can list his likes in bulletpoint form, and almost comprehensively, too. He appointed himself Chief Officer of Most Things Pertaining to the Mission, and no one really objected. He's feeling quite self-importnat, which is why he takes it so hard when the Protocol kicks in. He finds the existence of the Protocol to be deeply objectionable, but when challenged by Vincent - in a rare moment of lucidity - to present an alternate mission objective, he was forced to resentfully admit that he couldn't think of one. His special ability is flinging razors, though, unfortunately, a persistent twitch severely hinders his targetting.
Vincent - Vincent has been stuck on this hulking turd of a ship for what seems like ages now, and good GOD is he bored. He knows the other two don't like him much, but frankly, he doesn't give a shit, this mission is just LAME anyway. Vincent has only one responsibility - collecting the all-important semen samples. No one - not even Vincent himself - really knows why the semen samples are so vital, but they must be, because it was he who was granted the power to initiate the Protocol: a major system override giving him complete control of the ship. Vincent spends most of his time sleeping in cryo, listening to melodic, sweeping music on his gigantic headphones, ignoring his fellow crewmembers, and groaning about having nothing to do. He only springs into action when the opportunity to collect semen presents itself. Unfortunately, Vincent has no idea how to operate the Tacitus (finding the communications module particularly tricky). He turns a blind eye to the Captain's efforts to ensure the proper functioning of secondary systems (sewage disposal, climate control, mining operations) while he's in charge, but will most certainly not take any advice from that spiteful bore Theodore. Needless to say, most collecting efforts to date have failed spectacularly. Needless to say, his special ability is initiating the Protocol.
Act I
The Tacitus is failing. It has failed (and recovered) before, but the crew always found the experience most unpleasant, so in a last-ditch effort, they assemble a high-concept, low-tech capsule to bring in help... or do something. They're not really sure, as Vincent's in charge.
THE PLAN
Theodore: Okay, I've finished programming the capsule.
Captain: I think we're good to go. Everyone ready?
Vincent: Yes, come on, do it already! GOD!
Captain: Initiating launch sequence... 5... 4...
Vincent: Guys, I really have a feeling about this. It's not good, but it's not exactly bad either, and it's definitely a feeling.
Captain: ... 3... 2... 1... There it goes.
*they watch the capsule sail into the cosmos as the Les Mondes Engloutis theme plays in the background*
Vincent: Okay then, I'm off to cryo. Wake me up when there's news.
Theodore and Captain, under their breath: Yes!
Theodore: We seem to have some surplus power now, I'll get to work on optimizing the mining systems. We need to restock on sparklies.
Captain: You do that. I'll let you know if something comes up.
THE EXECUTION
Theodore: Okay, I've finished programming the capsule.
Captain: I think we're good to go. Everyone ready?
Vincent: Yes, come on, do it already! GOD!
Captain: Initiating launch sequence... 5... 4...
Vincent: Guys, I really have a feeling about this. It's not good, but it's not exactly bad either, and it's definitely a feeling.
Captain: ... 3... Um... Wait.. I think you should take a look at this...
Vincent: What is it, what is it?
*Vincent and Theodore approach the instruments*
Vincent, leaning in: What the...
*the screen blows up in Vincent's face*
Vincent: AAA! MY FACE! MY FACE!
Theodore: Hrm. Abort?
Captain: Okay *shuts the launch bay doors*
Theodore: Wait. We didn't install any core containment on that capsule. Shit's toxic, we've got to get rid of it anyway. *hits the emergency launch button*
Captain: Dude, the doors...
*they watch the capsule sputter onwards unsteadily, trailing sparks and debris from what used to be the launch bay doors as Gorillaz' DARE plays in the background, almost drowned out by the blare of emergency sirens*
Vincent: MY FACE! MY FACE!
Theodore, with a weird accent: When I go home, I throw nickles into the oven, and i's muuuusic!
Captain: The fuck...?
Theodore: Winona Ryder doing Bjork on SNL. Just remembered it. Damn, that was funny.
Captain: And I thought Vincent was the retarded one...
Theodore: Oh yeah? Well, guess who won't be answering the door the next time shit hits the fan and you come a-knocking for a coping mechanism! That's right! WINONA! *leaves in a huff*
Vincent: MY FAAAAACE! MY FACE!
Captain, slumping into his chair amid the sirens: This is bullshit.
Dramatis personae:
The Captain - the ship's leader, though in name only, as the Tacitus is more of a shaky democracy punctuated by bloody juntas. The Captain's main job is negotiating an uneasy alliance between the other two crew members, and trying to mitigate damage when Vincent takes over. The Captain has no identity to speak of, or so he likes to claim. He is merely the executor of the people's will. He just happens to like working with one of the people more, but this tacit understanding is the first thing out the window whenever the balance of power shifts. For the Captain, the ship is king. The ship, and the mission (though he leaves it up to the other two to figure out what it actually is). His special ability is invisibility.
Theodore - Theodore likes being in charge, and most of the time he is, acting in concert with the Captain for the greater good of everyone. He likes listening to the hum of the engines, as the ship smoothly glides through space. He also likes a good movie, a witty lyric, and funny people saying funny things. He can list his likes in bulletpoint form, and almost comprehensively, too. He appointed himself Chief Officer of Most Things Pertaining to the Mission, and no one really objected. He's feeling quite self-importnat, which is why he takes it so hard when the Protocol kicks in. He finds the existence of the Protocol to be deeply objectionable, but when challenged by Vincent - in a rare moment of lucidity - to present an alternate mission objective, he was forced to resentfully admit that he couldn't think of one. His special ability is flinging razors, though, unfortunately, a persistent twitch severely hinders his targetting.
Vincent - Vincent has been stuck on this hulking turd of a ship for what seems like ages now, and good GOD is he bored. He knows the other two don't like him much, but frankly, he doesn't give a shit, this mission is just LAME anyway. Vincent has only one responsibility - collecting the all-important semen samples. No one - not even Vincent himself - really knows why the semen samples are so vital, but they must be, because it was he who was granted the power to initiate the Protocol: a major system override giving him complete control of the ship. Vincent spends most of his time sleeping in cryo, listening to melodic, sweeping music on his gigantic headphones, ignoring his fellow crewmembers, and groaning about having nothing to do. He only springs into action when the opportunity to collect semen presents itself. Unfortunately, Vincent has no idea how to operate the Tacitus (finding the communications module particularly tricky). He turns a blind eye to the Captain's efforts to ensure the proper functioning of secondary systems (sewage disposal, climate control, mining operations) while he's in charge, but will most certainly not take any advice from that spiteful bore Theodore. Needless to say, most collecting efforts to date have failed spectacularly. Needless to say, his special ability is initiating the Protocol.
Act I
The Tacitus is failing. It has failed (and recovered) before, but the crew always found the experience most unpleasant, so in a last-ditch effort, they assemble a high-concept, low-tech capsule to bring in help... or do something. They're not really sure, as Vincent's in charge.
THE PLAN
Theodore: Okay, I've finished programming the capsule.
Captain: I think we're good to go. Everyone ready?
Vincent: Yes, come on, do it already! GOD!
Captain: Initiating launch sequence... 5... 4...
Vincent: Guys, I really have a feeling about this. It's not good, but it's not exactly bad either, and it's definitely a feeling.
Captain: ... 3... 2... 1... There it goes.
*they watch the capsule sail into the cosmos as the Les Mondes Engloutis theme plays in the background*
Vincent: Okay then, I'm off to cryo. Wake me up when there's news.
Theodore and Captain, under their breath: Yes!
Theodore: We seem to have some surplus power now, I'll get to work on optimizing the mining systems. We need to restock on sparklies.
Captain: You do that. I'll let you know if something comes up.
THE EXECUTION
Theodore: Okay, I've finished programming the capsule.
Captain: I think we're good to go. Everyone ready?
Vincent: Yes, come on, do it already! GOD!
Captain: Initiating launch sequence... 5... 4...
Vincent: Guys, I really have a feeling about this. It's not good, but it's not exactly bad either, and it's definitely a feeling.
Captain: ... 3... Um... Wait.. I think you should take a look at this...
Vincent: What is it, what is it?
*Vincent and Theodore approach the instruments*
Vincent, leaning in: What the...
*the screen blows up in Vincent's face*
Vincent: AAA! MY FACE! MY FACE!
Theodore: Hrm. Abort?
Captain: Okay *shuts the launch bay doors*
Theodore: Wait. We didn't install any core containment on that capsule. Shit's toxic, we've got to get rid of it anyway. *hits the emergency launch button*
Captain: Dude, the doors...
*they watch the capsule sputter onwards unsteadily, trailing sparks and debris from what used to be the launch bay doors as Gorillaz' DARE plays in the background, almost drowned out by the blare of emergency sirens*
Vincent: MY FACE! MY FACE!
Theodore, with a weird accent: When I go home, I throw nickles into the oven, and i's muuuusic!
Captain: The fuck...?
Theodore: Winona Ryder doing Bjork on SNL. Just remembered it. Damn, that was funny.
Captain: And I thought Vincent was the retarded one...
Theodore: Oh yeah? Well, guess who won't be answering the door the next time shit hits the fan and you come a-knocking for a coping mechanism! That's right! WINONA! *leaves in a huff*
Vincent: MY FAAAAACE! MY FACE!
Captain, slumping into his chair amid the sirens: This is bullshit.
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