Saturday, April 30, 2011

De profundis

Dziwnie sie gada w kagancu.

Tyle mialem do powiedzenia.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Battlestar Craptastica

I just watched the finale last night, and OH GOD it was so bad. So bad. I had to actively remind myself that I had talked to people while I was watching the final season, and I was really into it, before the finale, because after the credits rolled, I was completely convinced that the entire season - if not series as a whole - was bad. That's how truly horrible the finale is.

Luckily, I had notes, so I can say that the first 16-17 episodes of the final season are actually good, at least where they don't concern Starbuck or Fat Baby. Let's go:

1) The Cylon Civil War: awesome. Boomer voting against Eights: awesomer. Removing the Centurions' inhibitor: awesomest.

2) Then Apollo left the service and donned a v-neck... blouse for his farewell. Bad image.

3) When they let Jane Espenson do something with Baltar, she mines him for comedy, and the actor actually has pretty decent timing, but the character is so aimless and deplorable at this point that it just doesn't click for me.

4) When Adama sends Starbuck on her random quest, he gives her a crew that includes Gaeta, who is his best FTL specialist, and Helo, who is his executive officer, except suddenly demoted. I get it that they ran out of people we care about, but it was just hilariously unreasonable.

5) Tory killing Cally - obviously a high point. One of the more satisfying deaths on the show in terms of execution (pun intended).

6) The next ep after Cally's death, Escape Velocity, was penned by Jane Espenson, and stuffed with unintentional hilarity where Chief/Cally were concerned, and otherwise all-around awesomeness:
a) I don't know if Mary McDonnell had a twitch, an off day, or what, but during Cally's funeral she looks bemused/politely interested. I'm pretty sure it wasn't intentional.
b) Fat Baby reminiscing about Cally in the requisite memory montage: remember when I SMASHED YOUR FACE IN AAARGH! - they actually used that footage. I died laughing.
c) This conversation, between Baltar and Roslin: "Are you threatening me?" "No, i'm saying have a quiet life, and I'll die a quiet little death, and everyone will be happy. It's just that I'm not in the mood any longer to indulge you."
d) Caprica Six smashing Tigh's face in with an angelic smile. I actually made a clip of that.

7) The scene where they are aboard the baseship, and one Six loses it and kills a human pilot, and then is put down by another Six for the sake of the alliance - jesus fuck. Compare and contrast with Fat Baby in the finale.

8) The Eights' appeal to Athena to lead them in mutiny against the Sixes - fantastic. That's probably where I finally kind of grasped the nature of the generic Eights (as opposed to Boomer or Athena). Good stuff.

9) On the other hand, Athena killing the rebel Cylon leader was a major WTF moment. I mean, sort of good storytelling, but crappy, crappy logic. That was some Fat Baby shit right there.

10) Sine Qua Non was I thought the worst episode of the season, untilI watched the final ones that is. Either way, it's very bad. Basically 45 minutes of bad speeches and delaying the "obvious" "conclusion", a completely random gunpoint moment, shitting all over the Lampkin character... The man who wrote it is called Michael Taylor, and he also wrote the boxing episode from Season Three. He is, in other words, responsible for a lot of what is wrong with BSG.

11) But in the next episode we return to Jane Espenson who has Roslin saying to Helo with barely masked exasperation: "Captain, you are not married to the entire production line."

12) ...and D'Anna telling Roslin she's one of the Final Five only to burst into giggles a moment after with an: "Oh, the look on your face... ridiculous!" Yes, made a clip of this one too. Rock on, Espenson.

13) However, the resolution of the standoff? Ridiculous. A basestar has nukes trained on the civilian fleet, which needs sseveral minutes to spool up their FTL drives, and the Admiral himself states that the moment they start doing that, the basestar will fire. And then the humans' gesture of good will is "sharing the way to Earth, even though they could have jumped away with it." No, dumbas, you just said you couldn't have. This is possibly the first time where the show didn't make any sense in regard to a major plot point. A whole plot arc was resolved because the writers said it was resolved, as opposed to presenting an actual solution within the narrative.

14) But the last few minutes of the 10th ep, when they land on Earth - awesome.

Final 10 eps in the next post.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

BSG: the ionian nebula

Let's wrap up season 3, shall we?

1) It's official - all Starbuck-centered episodes in the entire series are lame. All of them.

2) Romo Lampkin seems more cartoonish the second time around. He's still a good character at this point, but he does veer dangerously into being gimmicky.

3) Even more gimmicky: hybrid talk. I have absolutely no interest in trying to decipher poorly written obfuspeak. I'm sure you're all very happy with how it all actually makes sense when you're the one writing it, but no. Most of the time it doesn't flow at all, instead it screams "hey look, see how we made it sound seemingly random?"

4) Baltar's trial itself was pretty entertaining. What I think I like most about it is the fact that Baltar himself is more or less a pawn in the proceedings - we never really see the action from his point of view. And that makes perfect sense, because the trial itself is not about him either, it's just the arena in which more universal issues are being resolved. If the writers intended this parallel to play out that way - kudos to them.

5) Apollo's testimony from the witness stand was really well written. I was completely over that character by then (not that he was ever a favorite of mine) and yet I did not cringe, and was even momentarly convinced.

6) Colonel Tigh has added a new weapon to his acting arsenal - in addition to the bug-eye he now also goes slack-jawed. To express anything. Good for him.

7) Finally - the use of Bob Dylan in the finale. Much as I like the BSG version of All Along the Watchtower, I find it grating that they featured a real-life song as a plot device in a sci fi show, and had fictional characters actually recite the lyrics. I understand that they wouldn't have been able to write anything better, but I still think they should have tried.

And that was the 3rd season. By far the worst of them all. Basically the only episode of note, from what I recall, was the escape from New Caprica, and parts of the finale. Not much.

Friday, April 15, 2011

BSG: the downhill years

This one covers more territory, from post-Pegasus to post-New Caprica. Most of it not that great, unfortunately.

1) Twice in a row, the Apollo-centered episodes resorted to the teaser + "X hours earlier" trick. As if they were trying to say "Look! We know it's Apollo, but something interesting WILL happen at the end. Just bear with us!" Unfortunately, neither episode was that great. And Black Market - aka "Lee suddenly has a hooker!" - was up there with the worst of them.

2) Starbuck-centered episodes still suck. The exception: Starbuck and Leoben on New Caprica.

3) What is it with the fucking flashbacks. Whenever they use one, they repeat it over and over again, like 10 times within one episode. Starbuck was strobeflashed with "Oh Anders my Anders", and Lee with "That random lady on Caprica whose name we never even learned". Ok, ok, we get it.

4) Baltar's political coup (suddenly running for President) was pretty nifty, but unfortunately delivered the first unconvincing Head Six moment of the series - her slow clap for looked ridiculously staged and not even amplifying the sound for dramatic effect helped. I've no idea what didn't work, but it looked rather silly.

5) From some point on, the actor playing Baltar has decided that the only sure way of conveying emotion was trying to eject his eyeballs from their sockets. He just goes bug-eyed, and that covers surprise, fear, shock, anger, pain, sadness... Great. Also, it becomes painfully obvious just how subpar he is, craft-wise, when he has to play Caprica Six's Head Baltar. It's just embarassing. And when compared to Tricia Helfer's Head Six - downright cringeworthy.

6) When Chief went Neanderthal again, this time on Cally, I got this huge neon sign in my head saying FAT BABY ANGRY. And now I can't shake it off. When he suddenly went off to find himself a temple (wtf?!) I got FAT BABY EXPLORE. When he then couldn't blow up the temple and almost went fetal, cuddling the detonator: FAT BABY CONSTIPATED. It's my personal lolcat. He also continues to be the most annoying character around, and that's no easy feat with Baltar, Starbuck and Apollo around.

7) New Caprica meant that Helo got a terrible haircut, and Adama grew a moustache which made him look like Paco the friendly plumber.

8) Starbuck is a terrible asshole and there's really nothing redeeming about her anymore. My favorite part was when she was all traumatized post-New Caprica, and acting like a major jerk, and then had some sort of epiphany, and cut her hair, which was very very meaningful... and proceeded to be the same gigantic asshole as before. Another crowning achievement: literally driving Cat to suicide by heroism for no apparent reason, and then visiting her on her deathbed and giving her sleeping pills, so she can finish herself off. And then we get 3 minutes of Starbuck not-quite-crying (cuz she's tough, y'all) while putting up Cat's picture in the memorial hall. Say... Wh... You gotta... Huh?

9) Dualla is nearing Stockholm Syndrome in her relationship with Lee. Anders I kind of get, he outright said that he knows she's fucking around, and he's accepted that, and he won't leave her anyway. I can respect that: you relinquish any semblance of self-respect, don't ask the tough questions, and just take whatever you get. Dualla though... She's aiming for moral highground, she's disgusted with the whole situation, she knows the best solution is to extract herself completely from this mess... and yet she allows herself to get sucked in again. I refuse to see the parallels and instead choose to treat her with utter disdain. I said shut up!

10) Helo has become something of a safety valve for the viewers' frustration with various characters. Whenever one of them gets too annoying, he punches them in the face. So far, he's done Apollo and Tigh. I'm hoping he'll do Starbuck next, but from what I recall that never happens :(

11) The Threes' suicide obsession - amazing. Love that idea. Sad to see Lucy go.

12) Gina's last appearance was heartbreaking and kind of awesome, I have to admit. And the escape from New Caprica was cool. But aside from those two eps - no real highlights so far. It's really sad to see how much better plotted the first 2 seasons were.

13) Unfortunately, I also got to the point where the series started contradicting itself or being just downright ridiculous:
* Caprica Six killing D'Anna as "the first act of Cylon on Cylon violence". Because Athena killing those Cylons on Caprica was just vocational training.
* When that pilot comes back in a stolen Raider after 3 years, they determine he's not a Cylon because "his blood matches the sample from his military records". Huh? And Boomer's doesn't? How does that prove anything?
* Wrapping up the Cylon-killing virus storyline as a one-off (so that people won't expect it to ever pop up anymore) by Gaeta saying that it matches a virus reported 3000 years ago, when the 13 tribes were departing Kobol. Let me reiterate: they have precise records of a virus from Biblical times. They have to get all the other information about that period from their religious texts, but they're fully stocked on biological samples from that era. Maybe their Corinthians is a medical database or something.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Stop flaring your nostrils

I didn't give a crap about James Marsden and Chelsea Handler isn't funny more often than she is, but I literally can't stop watching this interview (I've tried embedding it, no dice). I've seen it close to 15 times already, and it still amuses me. The barbecue bit is priceless. I also think this is probably what it would look like if I were asked to do an interview with someone I knew well and really liked.

I might actually like James Marsden now. He gets really cute when he's being obliterated.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Marlowe

Ditto.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Yet more BSG!

Quite possibly my favorite image out of the series so far (maybe with the exception of the vista of Pegasus and Galactica tearing into two basestars, but that's all CGI):

Six gone casual

The scene was hilarious. Conversely, here's the perfect image to demonstrate why I hate the Chief:

Me smash you argh!

It really doesn't get more Neanderthal than that. Additional points for going apeman on a guy who did not want to fight and refused the urge to kick his ass twice in a row. Go, grease monkey, go! I realize that not all characters need to be smart and have their shit together, and that you need this type of people for narrative purposes as well, but it doesn't mean that I have to like them.

Back to bulletpoints now (are they still bulletpoints when they're numbered? What do you call that?):

1) As a general rule, all planetside scenes in this series are boring. New Caprica may be the exception - but I'll only be able to verify that once I get to those episodes. The resistance bits on Caprica and most stuff on Kobol are fast-forward material for me (except fast-forwarding is wrong and I never do it).

2) Helo post-impregnation is actually a pretty nifty character, and an integral part of the whole equation. He's not a gamechanger, but he has his own agenda and makes a good pawn (or even knight) to Sharon's rook. His presence alone alters the power dynamics - and in my book, the more factors the better, so I'm on board. That being said, his "rehabilitation" in the eyes of the crew was completely unconvincing. One second he's a Cylon-lover and they won't even shake his hand, but the moment he goes "hey, let's use a different kind of colored paper for this arts and crafts project!" he's one of the crew? Huh?

3) Apollo is already being moved towards the "whiny asshole" end of the character spectrum, so I guess the middle of the 2nd season is where the change begins to occur. Too bad. He wasn't the most captivating of people, but he had his moments and you could actually empathise with him.

4) There's a very nice scene after half of the fleet jumps away with Roslin, in which Adama is assembling his ship in a bottle, or doing something along those lines, and absent-mindedly airs his various grievances to an unseen interlocutor. After a while it is revealed that he is actually talking to Dualla - quite possibly the last character you'd expect to see in this scene (or any scene for that matter). And she calls him on his bullshit saying: "I think you called me in here to talk to me, because you don't think I have anything to say. But I do." Not only was it a good - and perceptive - line in and of itself, but it also worked nicely on the meta level. I actually found myself thinking: "Oh right, Dualla, what's her deal anyway?"

5) I was convinced that the Pegasus arc lasted around 10 episodes, that it constituted the latter half of the 2nd series. Turns out, it's just 3 eps. The actual PEGASUS part I mean, before it' was reduced to being "that ship we can sacrifice". Also, a funny thing happened: I'm devouring BSG at a very rapid pace atm, but when I got to the Pegasus part, I almost started watching something else instead - not because I was bored (it's my favorite part after all), but because I remembered how intense and upsetting it was, and didn't feel like coping with that stress. Which I think means it's the first moment in the series where I was (and am - it was the same way this time) actually invested in the plot to the point of being unable to switch off kneejerk reactions.

6) There's a scene between Baltar and the captured Six in which he recalls a memory that Head Six had told him about, and claims it is his own, quoting it to to her word for word, as Head Six watches, mortified. I remember I was really impressed with it (I can't really say I "liked" it because it was very unpleasant to watch), but I don't think I understood it the first time around. I figured it was either a cynical attempt to establish some sort of rapport with the captured Six, or his revenge on Head Six for her various mind games. This time it struck me that he might actually be in love with this woman, and is making a choice: picking the tangible, if broken, version over the ghost in his head. Which, too, seems a bit cynical on some level, but also very... human? I don't know. Less deplorable, Head Six's pain notwithstanding.

7) Michelle Forbes is just so very, very good. And I appreciate the fact that they didn't make her go full-on monster, and that some of the characters actually got Admiral Cain's rationale (see Starbuck's eulogy).

8) Finally, those 3 episodes apparently also contain my favorite musical cue from the entire soundtrack:



Thursday, April 7, 2011

BSG continued

More randomness:

1) Baltar's conversation with Boomer as she is trying to kill herself - wow. Really, wow. It's hard to imagine an exchange more densely packed with layers of meaning. And when you inject Six's reaction to it... again, wow. Basically, when they play the Baltar/Six dynamic right, it's just stellar narrative work, and here they literally flipped it on its head. Watching the usually dominant Six listen to him and watching her condescension turn into confusion, alarm, and then this sort of suspicious not-quite-respect was such a pleasure. And Tricia Helfer delivered once again

2) Leoben is another great character. More Cylons plox.

3) The Cylon refinery ep - another solid one

4) The series one finale/series two premiere - overall decent, but the Kobol planetside scenes were just horribly dull. They killed off 2 characters we hardly knew anything about, and then spent a ridiculous amount of time on "mourning" them. I might be biased, because most of the mourning was done by the Chief, and I still loathe him, but I'm almost certain it was objectively dull. At least there's some Crashdown in the mix. Too bad they paint him as an incompetent asshole.

5) A little bit of cryptic and spooky awesomeness, courtesy of Six. When the Kobol party bury those two anonymous dudes, she states that "nothing awaits them here - no afterlife, no damnation. Only oblivion." And when Baltar, still trying to find his footing religion-wise asks "Because they haven't seen the face of God?" she replies with surprising and creepy clarity: "Because they died here. On Kobol." This is later echoed in an even more menacing manner, when Baltar deflects her warning by asserting that he can't die yet, because he's an instrument of God, and she replies: "God turned his back on Kobol. What happens on Kobol is not his will." I don't get why yet, but I love me some fine print.

6) Saul Tigh flashbacks. I don't care. I really don't.

7) The crib, the opera house, and the baby have all made their first appearance. I'm already fatigued.

8) I had a short discussion with Janek about the differences between Six's zealotry and Leoben's, but it's too chaotic to copy and paste, and I'm too tired to parse it. Either way, conclusions were reached. Take my word for it.

9) I can't help but see the events in the series through the lens of the boardgame mechanics. Autojump executed, but heavy raiders were activated first, ergo: Centurions on board. Boomer gets an executive order and nukes a basestar with her first action, and then reveals she's a Cylon with the second one (effect: send a character to Sickbay). And the Admiral just sent the President to the Brig (failed to strip her of her title though)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

BSG revisited

Lately I've been playing the Battlestar Galactica boardgame a lot - it's ridiculously good and very, very addictive. So much so in fact, that I've decided to re-watch the series which, from what I recall, I was never that wild about. It was more of a love/hate thing.

Anyway, I'm after the first 8 episodes or so, and wanted to jot down some general impressions:

1) the first episode (33 - the one where the Cylons catch up with the fleet every 33 minutes, and they have to keep jumping) is just fantastic. It should get an Emmy, or something. A perfectly paced, oppressive mini-movie.

2) the next one, Water, is really good too, actually, and establishes the "enemy within" problem almost as well as the previous one laid out the constant pursuit factor.

3) come to think of it, almost all the episodes I've seen so far have been good, with with the exception of two, both of which were Starbuck-centered. Number 4 (Act of Contrition) kept hammering home the whole Starbuck "killed" the Admiral's son motif over and over again, and number five (You Can't Go Home Again) is the one where she finds a dead Raider and miraculously learns to pilot it in several hours, or something. After ripping out its brain. It made about as much sense as if she had found a dead cow, ripped out its brain, crawled into it, and galloped home. Except that cow was now once again magically airtight and spaceworthy. Oh, and produced oxygen, even though it was dead.

4) the guy playing Baltar is a horrible actor. And I find I can't suspend my disbelief enough to see how anyone would treat him with even a sliver of respect, seeing as he spends half the time talking to air in public, fidgeting, and at one point even fucking an empty table. I'm not completely on board with the character psychologically either, and so I couldn't understand why he would hide the fact that Boomer was a Cylon from the rest of the fleet, but in the last episode it was hinted that he kind of did the same for Ellen, so now it seems he has simply disassociated himself from the human race. If they keep pushing the assumption that he's basically only interested in his own survival and believes in this "God's plan" Six has been brainwashing him with - I'll bite. That actually seems plausible.

5) Adama is a pretty shitty Admiral. I hope they didn't try to sell him as some sort of military genius anywhere down the road, since he already risked the entire fleet for Starbuck, and said outright that if it had been his son who crash-landed, they'd keep looking until the Cylons killed them all. Horrible military leader. Also, Adama/Apollo bonding scenes are excruciating. I think they have their own musical cue too - it involves bagpipes and induces vomit.

6) Apollo is very pretty though. He has those insane cheekbones that actually result in concave cheeks. Pretty, not handsome, but pretty works for me.

7) On that subject, there was a sex scene with Helo on New Caprica and they didn't show even a bit of skin. That's what I call wasting your actor's major (only?) asset. Made absolutely no sense.

8) Final bit of eye-candy roundup: Crashdown. I didn't remember this character at all, but he's there, kind of hulking and sickly pale, like a sexy sexy cadaver.

9) Tricia Helfer is spectacular as Six. Sensuous and menacing and fragile and pious and zealous. She does it all.

10) Cylons in general are fascinating and - at least so far - very well-written. I was surprised to find that certain characteristics I had learned to associate with various models were hinted at from the very beginning of the series, which means that they actually knew where they were going with it all, or at least were mindful not to contradict themselves as they made things up on the go.

That's it for now.