The One Where I Lose My Marbles, Apparently

Right now, I'm in the midst of a completely random Pink bender. Yesterday I randomly clicked on a YouTube interview with her (it was in "related videos" for a clip I'd watched), and that was that. I've never listened to Pink, I've never watched a single interview with her, nothing. So it's very possible that I'm experiencing a massive mental breakdown. Either that, or she is legitimately one of the most awesome showbiz people out there.

Anyway, the interview that started it all is here (the best part is around the 6:00 mark, but it's all good):

And here - around 5:00 - is a bit more background on the whole "throwing a knife at husband" story:

I've decided we should totally hang out.

Glaciers

Two days ago I saw this cute - in a slightly gangly, academic sort of way - guy dining alone at my regular lunch place, reading a book on church-state relations from the Middle Ages to the Enlightenment. I ogled him for a while (had to, really, to make out the title of the book), but I think it's fair to say that we peaked, contact-wise, when he glanced at me just in time to see a piece of cucumber fall out of my mouth.

Today I bumped into him again - this time with something Antiquity-related, though the font was too small for me to make out the specifics.

The overall set-up is pretty dismal, since we're both in our own separate bubbles, gobbling down food and reading our history books, but if I see him 50 more times, I'm totally casually dropping "So how about them crazy Prince-Bishops of Mainz, eh?" or some equally sizzling chat-up line.

In other news - I have a new passport, a new credit card, a new phone, and Esthero has a new album coming out. So let's drink to that.

Urbane

Went out last night to meet with Natalia. I was really looking forward to it, but there was some outside turbulence which tinted the overall feel a different shade. Natalia texted me that she was going to be quite a bit late, and I was already on my way, so I decided to make a pit stop at Filip's. I was clear from the start that I was only popping in for half an hour or so, and tried to be vague about my plans for the evening, but when asked point-blank, I told him who I was meeting. As soon as I did, I knew it wasn't a good idea. The room soured, though Szymon did his best to diffuse the situation. Either way, I bolted.

And then once I got to the club, I bumped into a guy who had been hitting on her and whom I thought she was avoiding. I decided I should probably let her know before ordering any drinks, in case we needed to relocate, but she said it wasn't an issue anymore. And after I got back to the bar, I found out that my reflexes were as sharp as ever in that I had actually already ordered a drink, and then promptly skipped out on the bewildered bartender to make clandestine phone calls, because I am smoothness incarnate.

The guy was amusing, but completely hammered, and kept popping by to share stories about his CRAFT (he's an actor), And then about an hour into our meeting, Filip called Natalia asking if they could come by. She replied in the diplomatic (and stilted) negative, and thus the whole thing became "an issue". All in all, too much drama for a late night catching up. And none of it mine.

And today - an hour-long breakfast at my local cafe, with Harold Nicolson's diaries.

August 13, 1941

[Dorothy Thompson, the American journalist] says that we must always remember that America is composed of many millions of people who left Europe because they hated it, and that there are many millions of Italians and Germans whose hearts go out to their mother countries. Although these emotions pull America apart, they feel at the same time a strong longing to remain together. What we don't filly understand in this country is the actual dread of the American soul at being split. There is always the fear that they will cease to be a nation.

I teared up a bunch of times. I still find it hilarious that nothing makes me bawl harder than grand geopolitical narratives.

And once again, I regret I've stopped writing things down. Maybe the solution is a private diary?

No moleste

This has been making me laugh for 4 days now:

Her delivery on the actual phrases is flawless. Gotta find me some more of her.

Blink and you'll miss it

I've been meaning to write that life is really good, that I'm content and mellow, perhaps even - dare I say - happy, and have been for quite some time now, but I kept putting it off (partially for fear of seeming bipolar, given the last entry), until finally it became no longer 100% accurate.

Nothing's changed in the land of real, I'm still content etc., but I got bells and whistles going off and upsetting my general sense of zen. As usual, there's nothing I can do about it, but unlike before - I'm not in the least pleased with this development, and wish it never occurred in the first place.

Looking forward to this non-starter fading away, and me getting back to enjoying all the little things.

Speaking of bipolar, I don't think I'll ever find a more accurate depiction of my... me. Sans that final imploration, that is, which mars the song a little bit for me. A very little bit though.

Fragile states

I'm exhausted, and there's still 3 weeks of work left, followed by ultra-intense work during the festival itself. I'm coping, but it's not terribly fun.

Found this picture on the Internet today:

Something about that critter's face does a number on me. I know it's supposed to be smiling, but all I'm getting is sad, scared, lost, and alone.

Ginger Beer

I usually manage to write something here when I'm traveling, but this time there didn't seem to be any social downtime. Plus I didn't bring my laptop.

Now things are winding down, and I have arrived at the "closing of doors" state of mind. I like it here. It's kind of nostalgia meets smell the roses - people appear warm and lovable, the couch is extra comfy, and even the still unopened plastic bottle of Ginger Beer on the counter seems like good memory snapshot material.

No epiphanies though, just swirling mood magma.

You fucking meatball

I don't quite see him building an intercontinental ballistic missile anytime soon, but I feel like my absolutely uber-shallow crush has been somewhat validated. Seems like a genuinely nice guy, and even has a few funny moments.

Several muses short

Today, I found myself vaguely wishing that I were more creative. I've been listening to this song...

...and the first thing I latched onto was the line "I will stay for this last transformation". For some reason it connected, and I got a little story going in my head about it being a farewell song to a mercurial and possibly self-destructive friend. Then I read the lyrics, and it doesn't really seem that way, but I've grown so attached to the previous reading that I almost considered trying to write something of mine, with that line as a starting point.

Except I wouldn't even know where to begin.

I wonder why the image of this particular type of farewell clicks with me. I think it's the emotional disconnect, or emotional compoundness, rather - playing along one last time because you want to milk these last moments for everything you loved about the person, but already knowing that it's over. On one hand you want to be in the moment, to make it real, but on the other - you're already having a completely different experience, informed by your awareness of the endgame. I guess it's a bit like telling the dying guy that yeah, we won, even as the world burns around you - except without the cumbersome pathos. Which would make it a close cousin of my absolute favorite: the calculated and resigned (as opposed to determined/heroic) last stand.

And there we go, resonance mapped. I guess this sort of psychobabble is the closest I'll ever get to writing a song.

Sprung

* woke up
* read some Internet
* pedaled all the way through an episode of Downton Abbey (I did not see the Ottoman anal sex coming)
* fixed a minor crisis caused by my co-worker
* did the laundry
* went out for lunch
* bought some anti-clothes-moth hanger thingie, as well as several other household items
* and stuff for breakfast (I haven't eaten any for the past 5 days, holidays are horrible)
* shaved, sort of
* noticed the bananas are getting way too ripe, so made a smoothie out of them
* with a dollop of honey, as I ran out of milk and no one likes a sour smoothie on pure natural yoghurt
* noticed the windows are filthy, but no way am I cleaning them now

Feeling very accomplished. Time to get some work done.

Also, this is a pretty decent album:

Tile unlocked

So apparently one of the key questions in life is: How hungry are you, exactly?

Which is bullshit. I want to be instantly launched head-first into places beyond questions. Wham. End of story.

Except my whams are all ker-splats.

Enlightenment pending.

Coming up: spring

Had a really nice late breakfast with Ana last Thursday, reminded me of a time when we both had less mundane stuff to deal with, or at least so it seemed. The sun was out, the food took only an hour to arrive (I was the one who placed the order, so obviously the waitress immediately wiped her memory clean), for some reason it felt like summertime.

I'm grudgingly coming around on the subject of summer, I have to admit. And the Mediterranean climate in general. Meeting people out on town is so much more pleasant when the sun is out, and what else am I gonna do with my life but try to keep meeting people out on town as often as possible?

Also bought Crusader Kings 2 and it might become my favorite game of all time (dethroning Europa Universalis 2, also from Paradox Entertainment). The scope and complexity are absolutely mindblowing, so it seems almost infinitely replayable. And the developers are already opening the code up for user-made modifications in the patches, so it can only get better (the AGC-EEP mods for EU2 kept me playing that game for 2 years, I think).

The downside is I already spent 36 hours playing it, and I only got it on Tuesday. I actually need to set myself strict deadlines, like "you're only playing this thing until 3 p.m." - and I haven't yet met any of them. It is so good.

Core element

And then all of a sudden you really miss someone. It just pops up out of the blue, and there it is.

Thankfully, it's bedtime, and nowadays it rarely sticks around for breakfast.

Rooftops

My trip to Krakow ended up being a little weird, with the birthday girl packing her stuff and leaving abruptly mid-weekend. Also, I'm out of cash, so I had to get the cheap tickets, and ended up standing in the hallway for 3 hours on my way there and barely managing to squeeze myself into a compartment with 7 other people on the way back. All in all, a less than smooth transition, and I rarely handle displacement well in the first place, so I shut down for a moment there.

Also, my tooth is acting up again, so off I go to the dentist tomorrow, and everything seems to spell root canal. (It's Valentine's Day, and I imagine some of the couples in the streets are a bit annoyed at having been roped into spelling "root canal" just for the sake of this metaphor, but such is life.)

And so the shutdown continues. I have decreed that I will not work at all today and instead just stuff my gob with food - WHILE I STILL CAN - and play computer games, to prepare myself for the dental massacre ahead, but then I remembered that I'm also broke, so that's probably not a good idea.

What else... Lana Del Rey's album is good. (I'd say I like 10 out of 15 of the songs, which is a very impressive ratio). Chelsea Handler's talk show is still horrible, but I watch it religiously nonetheless.

Oh, and I already have plans for 2013! We'll see how that pans out.

Johnny Belinda

Not much new to report, but I found a band with a lead harpist, and I've been listening to this song for 5 days now, so it probably at least warrants an embed:

I'm not a huge fan of this type of vocals, but the rooftop/shoulders/letter parts, where he delivers more of a punch, are pretty nifty. Plus the harp. Plus the ambient transitions. Plus the hotness.

As I've said: warrants at least an embed.