Saturday, April 23, 2011

Battlestar Craptastica

I just watched the finale last night, and OH GOD it was so bad. So bad. I had to actively remind myself that I had talked to people while I was watching the final season, and I was really into it, before the finale, because after the credits rolled, I was completely convinced that the entire season - if not series as a whole - was bad. That's how truly horrible the finale is.

Luckily, I had notes, so I can say that the first 16-17 episodes of the final season are actually good, at least where they don't concern Starbuck or Fat Baby. Let's go:

1) The Cylon Civil War: awesome. Boomer voting against Eights: awesomer. Removing the Centurions' inhibitor: awesomest.

2) Then Apollo left the service and donned a v-neck... blouse for his farewell. Bad image.

3) When they let Jane Espenson do something with Baltar, she mines him for comedy, and the actor actually has pretty decent timing, but the character is so aimless and deplorable at this point that it just doesn't click for me.

4) When Adama sends Starbuck on her random quest, he gives her a crew that includes Gaeta, who is his best FTL specialist, and Helo, who is his executive officer, except suddenly demoted. I get it that they ran out of people we care about, but it was just hilariously unreasonable.

5) Tory killing Cally - obviously a high point. One of the more satisfying deaths on the show in terms of execution (pun intended).

6) The next ep after Cally's death, Escape Velocity, was penned by Jane Espenson, and stuffed with unintentional hilarity where Chief/Cally were concerned, and otherwise all-around awesomeness:
a) I don't know if Mary McDonnell had a twitch, an off day, or what, but during Cally's funeral she looks bemused/politely interested. I'm pretty sure it wasn't intentional.
b) Fat Baby reminiscing about Cally in the requisite memory montage: remember when I SMASHED YOUR FACE IN AAARGH! - they actually used that footage. I died laughing.
c) This conversation, between Baltar and Roslin: "Are you threatening me?" "No, i'm saying have a quiet life, and I'll die a quiet little death, and everyone will be happy. It's just that I'm not in the mood any longer to indulge you."
d) Caprica Six smashing Tigh's face in with an angelic smile. I actually made a clip of that.

7) The scene where they are aboard the baseship, and one Six loses it and kills a human pilot, and then is put down by another Six for the sake of the alliance - jesus fuck. Compare and contrast with Fat Baby in the finale.

8) The Eights' appeal to Athena to lead them in mutiny against the Sixes - fantastic. That's probably where I finally kind of grasped the nature of the generic Eights (as opposed to Boomer or Athena). Good stuff.

9) On the other hand, Athena killing the rebel Cylon leader was a major WTF moment. I mean, sort of good storytelling, but crappy, crappy logic. That was some Fat Baby shit right there.

10) Sine Qua Non was I thought the worst episode of the season, untilI watched the final ones that is. Either way, it's very bad. Basically 45 minutes of bad speeches and delaying the "obvious" "conclusion", a completely random gunpoint moment, shitting all over the Lampkin character... The man who wrote it is called Michael Taylor, and he also wrote the boxing episode from Season Three. He is, in other words, responsible for a lot of what is wrong with BSG.

11) But in the next episode we return to Jane Espenson who has Roslin saying to Helo with barely masked exasperation: "Captain, you are not married to the entire production line."

12) ...and D'Anna telling Roslin she's one of the Final Five only to burst into giggles a moment after with an: "Oh, the look on your face... ridiculous!" Yes, made a clip of this one too. Rock on, Espenson.

13) However, the resolution of the standoff? Ridiculous. A basestar has nukes trained on the civilian fleet, which needs sseveral minutes to spool up their FTL drives, and the Admiral himself states that the moment they start doing that, the basestar will fire. And then the humans' gesture of good will is "sharing the way to Earth, even though they could have jumped away with it." No, dumbas, you just said you couldn't have. This is possibly the first time where the show didn't make any sense in regard to a major plot point. A whole plot arc was resolved because the writers said it was resolved, as opposed to presenting an actual solution within the narrative.

14) But the last few minutes of the 10th ep, when they land on Earth - awesome.

Final 10 eps in the next post.

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